写回忆录?准备好杀死你的宝贝。

贴上
9月16日,二千零一十六
张贴在: 写作

Hi,friends!Remember me?我就是那个整天写博客的女人,除非她被闪亮的东西分散了注意力,在这一点上,她忘记了写几个星期、几个星期和几个星期的博客。(相关:我刚买了一条新项链和它。is.shiny.)

哦,and also,I've been working on 万博欧博娱乐the book.让我远离这里,too.我一直在写,重写,添加单词,强调笑话和过度解释的事情,直到最后我的穷人,aggrieved editor was like,“够了。离开键盘,轻轻地把小狐猴放在地上。”

(In this scenario,我决定要一只小狐猴。Because I've always wanted one).

但是你猜怎么着?万博欧博娱乐这本书快写完了。至少,它的书写部分是。就在几天前,在我生日的前一天,我的编辑科琳给我发了一封电子邮件,其中包含以下内容:which was presumably written while sober:

…万博欧博娱乐我们现在的书很精彩,平衡好的,深情而有趣的地狱与正确数量的便便笑话…

(For the record,正确的便便笑话数量显然很多。一整章的价值和更多。)

如果我看看科琳开始编辑的手稿,我们现在拥有的那个,I find myself with two radically different works.编辑过的无疑更好。流动更平稳,它有一个更有力的叙述将它联系在一起,笑话很有说服力,就像一个醉酒的体操运动员那样。

The editing process,我听说,is grueling for a writer.Please don't throw anything at me when I tell you: mine wasn't格外地difficult for me.I am fairly certain that it was far harder on Colleen,他看到了我的书的结局,不知怎的,必须带万博官网手机我去那里,即使我仍然(尽管她多次向我解释)看不清路。

有很多次编辑,如果我一起看,它们确实相当于大量的写作和更改——但是它们是以一种可管理的方式交付的,以至于从来没有感觉到压倒一切。Colleen and I had conversations in the comments section of the draft,提问和回答问题,trading jokes,贴在阿什顿·库彻偶尔的照片上,大约2005岁。

科莱纳什顿车队

The initial feedback was structural and high level (whether or not a chapter worked in the greater context of 万博欧博娱乐the book),在接下来的每一轮比赛中,我们都会进行微调,直到最后的编辑for the most part,tweaking of chapters or paragraphs or even the occasional joke.

Sometimes,I'd push back on Colleen's edits – 万博官网手机how much is really for her to say.I maintain that I was reasonable and rational,她可能会坚持说,我一边回答她,一边满头大喊大叫。我想这两个都是真的。

雀斑删除

问题是,I never doubted that Colleen was right.I never doubted that she was leading me in the right direction.But sometimes,改变是困难的。Even if that change is,undoubtedly,更好。

作家们一遍又一遍地听到同样的话。避免陈词滥调。乐于接受批评。不要在大哭的时候喝酒。

你知道的,像那样的东西。

我听到的建议中最常重复的一条?Kill your darlings.

你必须愿意删掉一些你最喜欢的台词。巧妙设计的笑话,一句话的精彩转折,对T.S.艾略特的开创性诗歌《J.阿尔弗雷德·普鲁弗洛克。”

I thought I was good at this.我以前做过很多次。I've done it in my own writing,我鼓励别人也这么做。I'd already edited this manuscript before it ever got to Colleen – several times on my own,and once or twice based on the insightful feedback that I received from my agent,佐伊before we even pitched it to publishers.

我很擅长killing my darlings.

至少,我以为我是。即使我知道科琳是对的,尽管她要我剪几条线,我仍然比我本该承受的更痛苦。当我删除它们时,我退缩了。我想知道我是否应该争取更多的笑话。但即使我这样做了,我总是意识到她是对的:那些台词并没有增加故事的内容。

kobebeefg

但随着时间的推移,事情变得容易了。我意识到我不是真的在杀我的宝贝,我只是把他们放了出来。Liberating them from the manuscript.那些文字不在书里,万博欧博娱乐but they aren't gone forever.I've got a repository of them.有些还是会让我发笑——我可能会在其他地方再次使用它们。一些,经进一步考虑,不是很有趣,也不是很好——他们可能永远看不到光明。但是,当你把工作投入到某件事上时——当这个故事很私人,而且是你的故事时——让它过去变得越来越难了。

我今天要和大家分享的以下摘录是这本书前面一章的开头。万博欧博娱乐虽然我非常喜欢我讲的故事,it wasn't serving its purpose to tie the chapter in to the rest of 万博欧博娱乐the book.

But it's still pretty funny.这是最困难的时候:当你不得不切一些不坏的东西时,但仍然不起作用。And while removing it from 万博欧博娱乐the book was relatively easily,我仍然无法点击删除,所以我想我会和你分享。

I guess we can say that I almost killed this darling.Almost.


我从来没有这么擅长“宽恕”这件事。

On any given day,the majority of my mental downtime is spent rehashing old disagreements and getting surprisingly angry at things that happened decades ago.

Occasionally,当我凝视太空时,想象一下,我应该对去年11月在杂货店偷我停车位的人大喊大叫,兰德会问我是否一切正常。

“当然,”我会回答,"Why?"

“因为你的表情有点……令人不安。”

我会强迫自己灿烂地微笑,告诉他一切都很好,虽然我内心承认,当我在农产品通道上经过那个女人时,不要用熟食南瓜打她,这可能是个好主意。

我想我的怨恨不是我的错,但只是我的DNA中的某种东西。我提醒我丈夫复仇是个意大利语词。

That theory seems to fall apart,though,当你认为我的意大利出生和有教养的母亲是一贯和毫不掩饰的宽容,even about things which she really shouldn't be.小时候,我无意中做了一系列不可原谅的事情来测试她的极限,and I suppose I should be grateful for her turn-the-other cheek nature,because to date she hasn't disowned me a single time.曾经,she really probably should have.

当我九、十岁的时候,我不小心尿在浴室地板上了。这不是我那天最可恶的事。故事就是这样开始的。万博官网手机

说句公道话,地板上的小便是偶然的。那之后我的行为导致了流放,或者至少,她本该威胁的,开车送我到一个空旷的地方说,“欢迎来到你的新家!下车。”

当时,我们住在佛罗里达州的一个小平房(“平房”是一个房地产术语,指的是那些既没有空调又没有暖气的房子,have only one bathroom,是由一个完全接受“嗯”的人设计的。不管怎样,“接近平面布置图”。

唯一的浴室在走廊中间,这意味着从我们家的任何地方都可以方便地进入,and also consistently occupied.

我怀疑在大洪水的夜晚,I had been waiting for it to vacate for some time,我记得,它在空置的那一秒就爆炸了,坐下来之前,他几乎没有看一眼碗。如果你曾经有过坐在马桶上的令人不安的经历(我怀疑你有过,因为,along with yelling at the TV and attempting to solve a Rubik's cube by just peeling off the stickers,it is part of the human condition) you know 万博官网手机how alarmingly easy it is to drop your trousers and sit on something without actually looking at it.

I'd like to think our ability to do so has some evolutionary component – that at some point,squatting without looking around to check for snakes or bramble gave our ancestors an edge in the survival game (I've yet to figure out precisely 万博官网手机how this would work,但我画了一些图表,兰德坚持我不会给任何人看。)万博官网手机

所以,I sat promptly down on a toilet which,我觉得有必要补充一下,我妈妈刚刚打扫过。整个小瓦房一尘不染,光彩夺目。闻起来像游泳池,这是另外一种情况,除了空调,我们在成长过程中没有。In Florida.(我提起这件事并不是因为我真的感到被剥夺了,but more as a preemptive move against any guilt trips my mother would like to lay on me as a result of this confessional.Just so you know,妈妈,我还想要一台史努比-史努比锥体机器,我从来没有得到过一个,要么。所以当我很高兴你没有拒绝我的时候,公平点说:我仍然爱你,这是一个奇迹。)

There I sat,on the freshly-cleaned toilet,一切都很顺利,持续了大约十分之二秒,这就是我花了多长时间才意识到盖子掉了。万博官网手机

The lid.

现在已经太晚了,无法纠正这种情况;很快,一个水坑开始在我下面堆积,and it soon flowed over the edge of the lid and onto the floor,在非常令人不快的瀑布中。

为了减轻损失,我试着停止撒尿,但是,天哪,你有没有试过中途停止撒尿?就像把喷雾奶酪放回到罐子里一样。The damage has been done,唯一要做的就是好好享受。

Now,所有这些,to be fair,可归因于童年的粗心大意,a simple accident,再也没有了。但我接下来所做的真是令人发指。

我把自己清理干净了,and then I walked out.我甚至没有试着用浴巾或几卷卫生纸把东西泡起来,即使是喝醉了的兄弟会男孩也会努力做到。Instead,I went back to the living room to watch TV,但在对我母亲大喊大叫之前,我还没在她曾经干净的浴室里撒尿。

"Wait,you did what?" my mother asked,clearly confused.几秒钟后,我听到她在大厅里尖叫。

“哦。MY.上帝。”

At which point I just sat there and kept watching TV.我甚至没有去看她,也没有主动帮忙。我怀疑我甚至喊了一声半心半意的道歉。

I just sat on the ground and stared,颠倒的,at the television,直到后来我妈妈从浴室出来,她脸上的颜色消失了,她眼睛里的光消失了。

“求你了,”她说,her voice hollow,"Please do not let that happen again."

我的信用,I did not,though I'd like to point out that if we'd had a pool,这些都不会发生,因为我可以在里面撒尿,就像我在朋友家一样。

那天我妈妈没有和我断绝关系,或任何其他,and for that I'm grateful,因为说实话,who would have me after that?我11岁,几乎没有接受过家庭培训。可能是她的错,但仍然。The point is that she's a very forgiving sort,这只会让她伤心。


And now,as I read it again,you know what I realize?科琳绝对是,100%对。The story isn't nearly as funny as I thought it was.

相信你的编辑,孩子们。Kill your darlings.

留下评论

日志中的更多内容manbetx双赢彩票

在Instagram@TheVer万博官网手机yWeareist上

  • 他说他为我感到骄傲,我说我为我们共同创造的生活感到骄傲,如果你想知道我今天的心情如何。
  • 当你发现自己在街上行走时获得了詹姆斯·比尔德奖。
  • 我嫁给了一个非常英俊的男人。
  • Just arrived in Victoria for @#smcamp with the most handsome man in the world.今天2点25分在C沙龙和我一起!I'll be taking about online harassment,还有我谈论网络骚扰时得到的骚扰(它得到了meta)。
  • 我兴奋地尖叫着说这封信寄来了,and so honored that my blurb appears on it.Chandler O'Leary's Best Coast is a gorgeous illustrated guide to the west coast - she covers some of my favorite places in the world with such care and detail.我在昏倒。Congrats,钱德勒。这太神奇了。#最佳海岸书
  • Sex,女权主义,摇滚乐。
  • Double fisting Mad Dog while wearing a Rodney Dangerfield t-shirt and quoting Caddyshack,at what I suspect will be the last Masters party I'll ever be invited to.
  • 等等。
  • I love this photo so much because it's like my dad (left) knew that 70s were happening around him,他就是不在乎。
  • You and me both.

All Over The Place

买我的书,我保证再也不会向你要任何东西了。

BE AWESOME.BUY IT.